Well, as you can imagine, the sun is a very big issue for many Australians. They’re fair-skinned, so they gotta cover up and be safe. I wanna be safe too. That’s why I came here to the store with the worst name I’ve ever seen, Cancer Council. Why not just call it Mike’s Melanoma Hut? This is Elpis.
Yes. And you are the manager.
Yep. It’s very important for the Australian people to cover up. Is that right? Absolutely.
What are we thinking? So we’re thinking that your boobs look huge in this. Well, I am a C cup. They’re very–
I work out a lot. Could you tell I work out? What’s the word I’m thinking of? (laughs) Masculine?
No. What do you mean no?
No, no. What do you guys call these in Australia? Pecs.
Wobblies. These are wobblies.
No. This is acca, this is dacca. Accadacca. Excuse me, what are these called right here? [Woman] Man boobs. Oh, man boobs. I look like someone from the future, right? Yeah. I think we’re getting there, right? Yeah, we’re getting there. I look like I’m here to weld a pipe. You know what I mean? [Elpis] Fully protected now. Do you ever get the sense that we’re not supposed to live on Earth? You get that feeling? What’s the sun protection that you recommend for someone like me. [Elpis] I’d probably recommend that one there. Where do I put it? Here on the fingertips? Well, are you gonna try and put it on your fingers? Well, I wanna protect this finger, so when I’m, you know, telling people to– Yeah, yeah. Oh, there’s a bit there. I put on too much. Get the eyebrows.
(Elpis laughs) Get the eyebrows and really put it on. Give me a little goatee right here. I look like an albino Colonel Sanders. I’m ready for the beach.
I think you are. Thank you.
Have a great day. (bright, upbeat music) I’m here on Bondi Beach. The sun is incredibly hot, and I just found this little boy. What is your name? Terry.
Terry! Terry looks exactly like me in 1969. Terry, no! You shouldn’t be here. Terry, this is what you’re gonna look like when you get older if you don’t do something now. This! Do you wanna look like this?
No. What do you mean no? What’s wrong with this? After saving Terry’s life, I decided to train to be a Bondi Beach lifeguard with Hoppo, Jethro, and Whippet, three of the stars of Australia’s long-running hit reality show, Bondi Rescue. What’s the most important thing for me to know to be a lifeguard? Probably how to swim. That helps. Okay, that’s gonna be a problem. We’ve all got nicknames. You’ve all got nicknames.
Yeah. You know, I don’t really have a nickname. Fanta Pants? What’s that? It’s like red hair in your pants. Red hair in my pants? Fanta Pants. You guys put sunblock on all the time? Yep.
Yeah. You’re good about it?
Always put it on. You’re careful about it. One of the conditions anytime I go on a beach, I bring my personal dermatologist. Hi.
Nice to meet you. Right there, do you see that? Is that a problem? You know, we’ll keep looking at it. We’ll keep an eye on it.
We’ll keep checking on it. Very good. Have you checked out any ladies in those glasses, Dr. Peters? It helps. Hey guys, we need a nickname for Dr. Peters. What do you think? Wearing those glasses, I’ll give you Creepy Pete. Creepy Pete. So yeah, I just wanna learn how to be a lifeguard. It will take years to become a lifeguard. It takes a whole lifetime of being in the ocean and getting comfortable. Tell you something, I think that’s bull(beep). I don’t have that kind of time. I’d like to just get a nice montage out of this, a good-looking, Bondi rescue montage. You think we could do that?
Yes, for sure. Done, easy.
Yeah. It’s sort of our specialty. (upbeat music) (waves roaring)