By | January 1, 2020

*lip syncs to song playing* (sings)
Yeeeeeah. *continues lip syncing* Hello, everyone in the YouTube world. It’s a little d— It’s a “little ditch”. It’s a litte bit different here. It’s a little bit different here because I’m in a hotel room all alone with no animals. Can you hear that silence? You can probably hear my fan going, but there isn’t all the animals in my room, surrounding me in my video as I yell to the top of my lungs to talk over all the noises of the animals that… noises they make. Really just the machines in my tanks. Whatever. Either way, I am in a hotel room, so I don’t have to worry about that. And yet I’m still talking really loud. It’s kind of weird to make a video, honestly, without animals in them. But don’t worry. This animal— This animal? I can’t talk today. This video has animals in it, so don’t worry. They’re just not surrounding me. It’s footage from yesterday instead of happening, like, in the moment. I might be able to find some in-the-moment animals, actually, if we go outside. Maybe we can find some, um, California Wildlife at, uh,… 3:04am. What? Oh, no. That’s— That’s San Antonio time. So it’s 1am here. I am wearing a shirt that actually says Los Angeles, ’cause I’m… basic as heck. This is actually, like, the most expensive outfit I own, and it’s just a giant sweater, but… It’s a Juicy Couture, okay. I’m stylin’. But I guess we can go outside and try to find some wildlife for this video. In this video, I do also go and visit Exotic Reef Imports, and we pick out fish for my 150-gallon tank… in California. The fish are gonna be shipped to my house the day after I get home, so I hope my tank didn’t crash while I was gone, ’cause these fish won’t have a place to go if it did. But first let’s try to find wildlife outside, shall we? Also a big shout out to my friend Paige for letting me borrow her camera. It’s so much better than mine. For, like, vlogging and stuff, this camera is so much better. So thank you, Paige. So, in my video at the pet expo, people kept asking why I was wearing a corset, like if I’m waist training. Don’t be ridiculous. This is just, like, a fashion corset; it’s for fashion purposes. Let me find some shoes, and then we’ll go try to find some wildlife. I found some shoes. My hotel room is an absolute mess. You just can’t tell in this video, but it’s bad, and it’s awful, and it’s terrible. Another thing is this door does not lock very well. I’ve left this— I’ve left this place twice. Door wide open. Like, it doesn’t shut that well. So I’ve left, gone out, and come back and noticed that my hotel room was open the whole time. But don’t worry. I got the locks under control now, so don’t worry. You can’t break in. These are my Do Not Disturb signs. They just fell, and I just leave them there. We’re gonna look for some California wildlife at 1am. I left my phone in my hotel room. So hopefully I don’t die, ’cause then I can’t tell anyone I’m dead. *sighs* Let’s see. I hear some wild Californian crickets. Can I go in there, or is it just, like, locked? Dang. I’m sorry; this is really gross, but I just always wonder… like, when these signs are put up, what did they do? Like, what happened to make them have to put this sign? I just— I know it’s disgusting. I just— I don’t— I don’t wanna know. No signs of wildlife yet. Oh, I hear some wild people over there. I’m not going over there. I don’t like people. I only like animals. Here we have a spider web with no spider. That’s some quality content. There’s a lot of spider web here… with no spider. Ooh, I found something. Here we have a wild Californian beetle. Daaaaang. Look at that rare Californian beetle. It won’t even focus. Now, let’s put this bug somewhere where no one can hurt it. Be free, little bug. I’m a life saver. What can I say. Wow! Here’s a rare Californian slug. Oh, wait. It’s just gum. I found a creature. It’s so cute. Here we have one of those very desirable Californian slugs. Now, these are very hard to find. Their little mushy part likes to move around, and their little squiggly wigglies like to move. I’m gonna be like Coyote Peterson, and I’m gonna make this video “Getting Bit By A Slug!” Oh God, it’s gonna do it. ♫ Pain without love. ♫ Pain. ♫ We’re friends. Now we’re gonna release the slug. This is gonna be intense. You ready? Oh, he fell upside down. There you go, Mr Slug. Hope you have a good slug life. That was an intense encounter with the wild snails that are indigenous to hotels. So, I just finished washing my hands from the, uh, snail slime. Don’t worry. My wounds are healing. You know, it’s crazy. I was expecting to go out there and find, like, a jaguar or a wolf or a gila monster or a kookaburra, but instead I find a hotel snail. So anyway, let me go ahead and show you the footage from visiting Exotic Reef Imports and checking out all their awesome fish. And a big thank you to everyone over at Exotic Reef Imports for having me. And a big thank you to John from Kingdom Aquatics for setting me up with them. *upbeat electronic music* We just found… some giant Cheeses. *music continues* Legitimately brought my Uber driver with me here, because he likes fish. So… I invited him with me. *music continues* *music stops* Just having some gluten free pretzels for dinner. I’m so healthy (!) I swear I tried to make that into my mouth, and I just really missed. I hope you guys enjoyed watching the video. And I hope you guys enjoy watching my next video whenever it comes out. And I hope… you guys have a great day. Thank you guys all so much for subscribing. I love you all so much, every single one of you. I just love you so much. Thank you guys so much for subscribing. Make sure to check out my previous videos. Make sure to check out my upcoming videos whenever they come out, which should be at a point in time in which you should watch them. And I hope you all have a wonderful day, slash night, slash evening, slash whatever the heck time you’re watching this at. I just hope you’re doing good. And if you’re not doing good, I hope you get better. Okay, aaaand… outro. *beep* Okay, I’m literally going all the way back down to find that snail just so I can take a thumbnail with him. *laughs* I hate my life. But the snail’s gonna go on a little adventure. It’s gonna be fun and harmless. Maybe I’ll f— I don’t actually— I have no food to feed him. I can’t feed him food. I brought $3 with me. I’m gonna see if they have an apple downstairs so I can feed the snail. Okay, so, literally, there’s no fruit in the hotel little concierge, whatever you call it — the area in the hotel, up front, that has food. I don’t know. The store? I don’t— They didn’t have— They didn’t have fruit or anything that a snail could eat, so snail isn’t getting food, but he will get a photo if I can find him. I found him! It’s been a fun night with Miss… Mrs… Snail. Had a fun night with Petunia. I decided that’s her name. I’m going to go let Petunia go now. It’s been a good night with Lasagna. I decided her name was Lasagna. It’s been a good night with Roz, but it’s time to let her go. I decided her name was Roz. She is sliming all over my hand. That’s cute (!) But it’s time to let her go back to her natural habitat — a hotel. I’m taking her— What are you looking at me for? I’m bringing you back home. Chill out. Why you looking at me like that, Roz? (Roz from Monsters, Inc.)
Always watching. I’m bringing you right back to where I found you. The exact spot. It’s like a— It’s literally a whole slug family out here. Okay, I hope y’all have a good life together. *electronic music*

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